“i don’t want to sleep tonight…
…dreaming is just a waste of time.”
When I can’t sleep I usually try to do some art or anything useful. Maybe catch up on assignments, work, portfolio or even just reading. I can’t do anything tonight. I feel weird. It’s like I had a doze of happiness on Friday and Saturday and now I’ve lost it.
I have no idea why this is happening. I had a chat with Mum and Dad earlier today and that made me miss my family even more. It’s funny how you do not understand how important are such things as family, love, trust and friendship until it’s taken away from you. And it is like a harsh slap on your face. Leaving a red mark and pain on your cheek.
I know it’s only 30 days until Ill be heading home into loving arms of my amazing family. I can handle that, I am excited…until I realize it will only last for 29 days and I will have to come back. With new ideas, aims and new point of view on how life should change… This all is very sad. I am always lonely. Even in the crowded room. I always will have that feeling of being misplaced. Mistaken. Lost.
I remember that movie with Natalie Portman called LEON. She asked Leon:
-Is life always going to be that tough or is it like that only when you are a kid?
-It is always going to be like that. - He answered.
I am not a kid anymore, but life seems harder and harder everyday. All I can do is keep my head up and smile. Hiding everything in the darkest corners of my mind. I am fine…or at least…I will be just fine.